ode to final exams

Amid the immense amounts of hygiene-deficient, amphed-up, sleepless students throughout college campuses across the nation, there is hope.

But is there?

"We're moving the fuck on, Kory. SERIOUSLY SHUT UP WE'RE MOVING ON." Once-friendly students become impatient with one another in study sessions, verbalizing their emotions through words of hate, and perhaps ending life-long relationships.

"AndIdon'tknowwhetherIamsupposedtostudythenotesorthebookorthepowerpointsorhislectures?!?!Iwenttobedat4inthemorningandIhave had3Redbull's alreadyIjustdon'tfuckingknowwhattodo!!!!!!!!!!" Girls hyped up on caffeine (or other substances) talk thousands of words per minute to express their lack of sleep (and sanity, perhaps).

Don't quite understand? Think this is some sick, exaggerated joke? Well, by all means, allow me place you in the shoes of a student.

You sit behind the kid in a math review who looks like he hasn't showered in days (smells that way, too) and has flakes of something-or-other (is it snow?!) gracefully falling onto your shoes from his hair, creating a monstrous distraction. Screw you, finals, you prevent students from keeping up on their daily hygiene routines.

Upon entering the library, where perhaps the entire Michigan State population has just recently found, you can't find a single seat! Therefore, you are forced to sit next to the girl who has fallen asleep on her book, pen in hand, and snores loud as @#$*. Screw you, finals, you force students to fall asleep everywhere except their bed.

You text your friends, with a friendly, "Hey, girl, hey, wanna hang out?" only to receive the same, short answer from your entire list of contacts. "Too busy. Studying. Bye." Screw you, finals, you make students with easy schedules bored and lonely.

And then you shout: "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!"

The pressure and anxiety thrust upon budding adults to succeed in their exams is overwhelming, God-awful, and brain-frying. And if I didn't have a nice, long winter break to look forward too, I believe that some sort of depression would undoubtedly set in. We could call it Post-Finals Stress Disorder.

For me, my current status is: 1 final down, 3 to go! (25% complete).

The Joys of College [12.11.2010]

Study Tips: Don't sit behind the dirty boy in your math review, you will become far too distracted and miss key tricks on how to 'derive the integral at the point of the tangent line where the derivative is actually zero and the slope is positive but the answer is (of COURSE!!!) a trick'. And don't let the seducing ways of adderall lure you in; it is not good for you. Trust me, I've seen those who have gotten sucked in.

Happy studying!